Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
how drunk are you?
Several
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
