I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
