Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
