I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
