are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize