I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
