He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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