Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
