Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
