i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
