Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
