I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
