Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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