My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
