Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
are you so shy because you have an std?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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