you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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