just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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