There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
