We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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