she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
