ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
