We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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