I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
