To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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