btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize