just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
