Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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