My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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