the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
