I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
