i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize