normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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