You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
