I could make wine with my vomit
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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