I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
