I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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