im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
