proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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