I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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