u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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