Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Randomize
