I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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