you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
