i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
