I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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