i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
