i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
