Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So squirting runs in the family.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
