If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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