Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
babies were throwing up all over the place
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
