Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
