She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
