I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
