were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
