why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
