i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
