Kiss
Puke
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize