he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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