Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You pole danced in your parka.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize