Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
