I wish I could teleport
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
