I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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