His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
