Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
