Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
