I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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