i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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