There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
