1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
